Damon's Regrets
by PaintedinAllColors
Summary: Kind of a companion to Rosemary and Wine. Damon's death, and what he thinks.


Hi, it's me again with a one-shot. I don't really know, but I think this is like a sequel to Rosemary and Wine. I watched the Vampire Diaries yesterdya, and then I had something like a betrayal come up today, and I just needed to write this. It doesn't really have anything to do with what happened today, which is kinda odd.

Disclaimer: I don't own the Vampire Diaries.

* * *

><p>I was going to die.<p>

It hit me, just like that. I was going to die. A werewolf had bitten me. There was no way I could live. There was no Rose to die for me. But I didn't want to live in a world where Elena would hate me. I would never live in a world like that. I don't know what I was thinking. Maybe it was just that I love her too much to let her go. I've always been selfish that way. I never wanted to share Katherine; I don't want Elena to be with Stefan; I wanted Rose to stay. I wanted everyone to just go away and leave me with her.

I regret so many things now that I think about it. I wish I could start all over, but I can't. I wish I could tell Stefan why. Why I hated him. Why I fed Elena my blood. Why I did everything that I did. But I can't. It's too dangerous for me to be near them. I don't want to hurt them anymore than I already have. Maybe it's just me, but is everyone else blind? Rose understood why. She believed in me when no one else would. Rose understood that I was lashing out because I was broken. She understood what being broken felt like, she knew what being beaten down over and over was, but she got up every single time. And I did too. Until now. Now, I know there's no chance of me getting up again.

I wish I could tell Stefan that I'm sorry. Sorry for hating him when he saved my life. Sorry for falling in love with his girlfriend. Sorry for being reckless, and putting all our lives in danger. I just hope he realizes it was to protect Elena. Everything I did was for her. I want to save her, but I can't. I will die here, and I will die knowing that she hates me.

I want her to know that I was only trying to protect her. I want to thank her for being there for me, for not hating me, even when my brother said she should. I want to thank her for believing that I wasn't completely useless. For caring if I lived or died. For not wanting me to throw my life away. But I did, and it was for her. I realize that she would never want that. That her deal with Elijah was to keep me safe as much as everyone else, maybe even more. I screwed up. I had thrown away all the trust between us, any love she may have ever had for me. She would be miserable; if Elena hadn't already asked Stefan to turn her, then she didn't want it. I was a fool to force that life on her. The very same way it had been forced on me. I didn't want her to turn into me.

I didn't want her to be bitter, or to hate this life and get herself killed. I just wanted her to live. I didn't want her to be me. I didn't want her to be a sadistic cold-blooded killer, a monster like me. I just want her to be safe, and I don't care what the cost is. But this cost is too high. Not my life, I would gladly die for Elena a thousand times over, but our friendship. That's too high a price, but when I gave her my blood, I paid it without even realizing it. And I know she forgave me before, but I crossed the line here. She would never forgive this. Elena would spend eternity hating me, like I swore I would to Stefan. It wasn't fair. I wasn't fair to her. I betrayed the trust that she had in me, a trust that, if my brother had his way, would have never formed. I'm sorry, Elena. I'm so sorry. I just wish you could hear me. You would know exactly how much I regret what I did.

But more than anything, I wish I had more time. Time where I could do all of these things and make it all better. Time which I could use to fix everything that I've ever screwed up, including our friendship. But I was running out of time. I couldn't possibly fix us; there was no do-over here. And I would die knowing she hates me. I couldn't bear it. It was just too much too absorb. What I had done to save you had ruined our friendship, and now I was going to die without ever having a chance to fix it.

The first waves of pain wracked my body. I braced myself for the next wave. It left me gasping for air, even though I didn't need it. I looked around frantically. There was no way Klaus was going to have the satisfaction of seeing me like this. If there was one thing I was going to guarantee before I died, it was that. And I didn't want to suffer like Rose did. Except for me, it'd be a thousand times worse. I would hurt inside and outside. In the end, those barriers I had set up had done nothing. They crumbled, with my will to live. I grab a stake that Alaric had left lying around, and position it over my heart.

"I'm sorry," I say, and plunge it through my heart, ending my pain once and for all.

* * *

><p><span>Review, please.<span>


End file.
